Nothing says “the holidays” like a new book about a mysterious pathogen that turns ordinary people into raging killers, “psychopaths driven by a terrifying, alien agenda.” Yes, that’s right, its Contagious, the latest from Scott Sigler, the monstrously successful podcaster and novelist.

As the contagion spreads, a small team of unpredictable individuals is assembled to fight against the ravages of the ever-mutating, ever-adapting threat. But this team has its own problems. For example, former football player Perry Dawsey is emotionally scarred and possibly violent due to his encounters with the pathogen. But that doesn’t mean he couldn’t stop fighting the intelligent disease long enough to give Sigler a list of his New Year’s resolutions:

#1: I will stop killing my friends (but that doesn’t mean I have to stop killing complete strangers).

#2: Poultry shears will be left in the kitchen, and only used on poultry.

#3: Just because there are voices in my head doesn’t mean I have to do what they say–I am the captain of my own ship.

#4: I promise myself to get some flippin’ therapy already.

Sigler’s Contagious has just been released on an unsuspecting populace. As Publishers Weekly warns, “this page-turner builds inexorably to an explosive ending.” We recommend you make a New Year’s resolution to pick it up and vaccinate yourself immediately. And, if you’re already Contagious, you might as well admit to being Infected, too.

Tags: controversial, crossover, exclusives, holidays, kitchen, might-as-well, monstrously, ordinary-people, pathogen, perry-dawsey, promise-myself, the-monstrously